


In case of doubt, it is best to err on the side of mercy.

by Truth



Category: Saiunkoku Monogatari
Genre: M/M, Tragedy, Yuletide, challenge:Yuletide 2006, possibly incestuous, recipient:cairnsy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-26
Updated: 2010-10-26
Packaged: 2017-10-12 21:42:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/129381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Truth/pseuds/Truth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes tragedy isn't what it seems.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In case of doubt, it is best to err on the side of mercy.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cairnsy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cairnsy/gifts).



  


## In case of doubt, it is best to err on the side of mercy.

  
Fandom: [Saiunkoku Monogatari](http://yuletidetreasure.org/get_fandom_quicksearch.cgi?Fandom=Saiunkoku%20Monogatari)

  
Written for: cairnsy in the Yuletide 2006 Challenge

by [Truth](http://yuletidetreasure.org/cgi-bin/contact.cgi?filename=32/incase)  


To say that there was panic in the streets of Saiunkoku's Imperial Capital would have been a wild overstatement. To observe that surely, a wailing and gnashing of teeth, a rending of garments and a burning of incriminating documents was at that moment occurring behind the closed doors of a large number of Imperial Officials would have been, at best, an exaggeration. Casually observing that the Emperor had certainly set a fox among the hens, however, would be both an observant and accurate remark.

These powers of observation were of great aid to Ran Shuuei as he stepped swiftly and gracefully to one side, allowing the heavy book that had just been aimed at his head from above to miss him by a scant few inches.

"That's hardly the attitude to take, Kouyuu." Shuuei tilted his head so that he was addressing more of his friend than the feet and ankles which were currently at his eye level as Kouyuu investigated the records on the topmost shelf. "Think of the responsibility you've been given. Think of the _trust_. The entire Empire now knows you as the man the emperor is relying upon to expose the dark currents of graft and bribery at the highest levels."

"It's an honor I could do without," Li Kouyuu growled, pulling one of the large, bound volumes that contained the tax records for Green Provience from the shelf and glaring at it darkly. "By the time I've tracked allowances, expenditures, local taxes and the rest, everyone involved will have died of old age."

"At least he began by giving you a list of officials he wanted investigated," Shuuei offered with the cheerful insouciance of one who wasn't about to spend the next few weeks shut up in the archives studying the intricacies of advanced accounting practices. "All you have to do is trace _them_ backward instead of attempting to pick them out of the population at large."

Another book plummeted downward but Shuuei had, again, moved to his left in the nick of time. Kouyuu stared down at him balefully, an unfriendly smile curving his lips. "Seeing as you have no other pressing business, _General_ , as evinced by your presence here in the archives, perhaps you could see your way clear to giving me a hand?"

Shuuei directed a sunny smile upward. "Regrettably, I have an appointment with Taifu Sou. I merely wished to assure you that your hard work will not go unappreciated." He gracefully dodged another book, taking a step backward and never losing his smile. "We all have great hopes for your investigation, Kouyuu."

A dark glare was directed after his retreating friend, but only for a moment. Kouyuu had a truly daunting task before him and, before he could continue, he'd have to retrieve the books he'd attempted to drop on Shuuei and be certain they were undamaged. Stepping down from the tall stool, Kouyuu set about retrieving and organizing the books he'd already selected. The stack was not yet very large and only covered a span of perhaps a decade and would only be of use for a certain set of officials in Green Province.

Ryuuki's task wasn't as daunting as it seemed, although it would indeed take a great deal of investigation. He theorized, probably correctly, that the slow growth of corruption came from the ministers and officials that predated his own ascension to the throne. The custom of taking small bribes was a long and carefully overlooked one, but recent excesses - not limited to those of the unlamented and now-departed Senior Official Sai - pointed to an unprecedented increase in the size and scope of corruption.

The assignment that he'd given Kouyuu entailed digging back into the records of the previous Emperor's reign and following the various officials through the time of revolution to the present - and that was what would take the most time and energy. Imperial tax collection and the filing of proper reports had not exactly been a high priority during the years of chaos as the various princes fought for the throne.

With a heavy sigh, Kouyuu dropped into a chair and reached for a set of records at random. He needed to at least become familiar with the names that he'd be seeking and the state of their records before, during and after the years of chaos. Senior Official Chou, then a mere undersecretary in Green Province who dealt with Transportation and Commerce, was a prime suspect, and that meant that Kouyuu's initial reading would mostly cover minor reports on traffic, road usage, right-of-way disputes and the like.

"Today I mediated a dispute as to whether pigs or the man with a flock of geese has the right of way when they meet in a busy street. Find attached my report of the blockage of traffic they caused while arguing and three possible solutions to the problem." Resisting the urge to imitate Ryuuki's frequent posture of defeat, head against his desk, Kouyuu opened the heavy book and began to read.

Four hours later had him half asleep over the text, ready to swear in front of the emperor that Senior Official Chou lacked the imagination to commit a crime and not immediately give himself away - possibly by filing a complete and obscenely detailed confession. Kouyuu was familiar with Chou's habit of including every possible and miniscule detail in his reports until the actual information requested was buried so deeply that Reishin refused to touch them at all, pawning them off on whatever sub-official had displeased him most recently. Kouyuu had always assumed it was merely pomposity that caused such excessive attention to irrelevant details, but apparently it was simply the way the man's mind worked.

Leaving the book open on the table, Kouyuu slumped back in his chair and stared up at the ceiling. His blank gaze was diverted after only a moment or two by a familiar, smiling face as Kou Shouka leaned over him.

"It's very late." A glance at the stack of books had Shouka's eyebrows climbing. "Is it historical curiosity that keeps you here, or is it something more?"

Kouyuu sighed and slowly pulled himself back upright, pleased by the interruption. "I'm looking for evidence of fiduciary misconduct, if you want the elaborate version. More realistically, I'm boring myself to tears by reading of the past adventures of several of our more pompous officials as they climbed the bureaucratic ladder to their current positions." He poked at the book vindictively. "It's all part of a plot to get rid of me, so that when they find me bored to death over Chou's reports they can claim it was a matter of natural causes."

Shouka's smile broadened slightly, but he managed to dismiss it before Kouyuu saw it. "There must be some reason why Senior Official Chou's records need review. I'm assuming that his name wasn't simply chosen at random."

"Every department was required to submit names for review," Kouyuu admitted with another, disgusted sigh. "Of the current officials, Chou has the longest record of service so it seemed logical to begin with him."

"If your work will keep you here for a while longer, I was planning on making tea." A gesture at the empty chair at the opposite side of the table made it an offer instead of an observation.

Kouyuu smiled wryly. "I'd like that." It had been a long time since he'd spent time quietly with Shouka in the archives. His admiration for the man was offset slightly by his envy for Reishin's frequent and blatant bids for Shouka's attention. It was hard to watch Reshin as the adopted father whose approval and interest Kouyuu craved so desperately, showered it all upon someone else.

"Blood is thicker than water...." Shouka was Reishin's elder brother, after all, and Kouyuu was nothing but a child off the streets who'd been swept up on a whim. Shaking his head to clear it of the unwelcome thoughts, Kouyuu turned determinedly back to the reports.

Two pages further along, Kouyuu finally happened upon something interesting.

 **... reports of a great accident concerning the bridge on the main road to the capital. The traffic there is fairly heavy, and a high tax is levied upon the villages and towns along the road to pay for its repair and upkeep as well as a minor tax for the convenience of the road itself, which also goes to upkeep.**

There came a great hue and cry that the bridge itself had collapsed. As I had, myself, filed the appropriate tax information which this year had included an extra stipend for repair to the main supports, I knew that this could not be true. Alas for my complacency, as, upon reaching the site of the accident, the bridge had indeed suffered some great structural failure.

(I shall have one of the builders write a full report with the pertinent details, as I myself am unschooled in such technical matters.)

The greatest commotion came from a collapsed section on the far side of the river and by dint of much shouting and gestures, it was communicated that a heavily laden cart had gone into the water, taking its driver, a passenger and several nearby travelers with it. A body and two people had so far been recovered, but there was no indication of exactly how many had gone into the water and whether or not any had been trapped beneath the cart.

Kouyuu didn't bother with the rest of the long-winded report, which looked to go on for a great many pages, and flipped instead to the structural analysis. By the time Shouka arrived with the tea, Kouyuu was deeply absorbed in several columns of numbers which simply didn't add up. In this case, it looked as though Chou had unwittingly uncovered graft and embezzlement and had conscientiously reported it - at least he assumed that Chou had reported it.

Taking a sip from the offered tea, he took a deep swallow, not registering Shouka's beam of appreciation. Like Ryuuki, Kouyuu had long since developed an immunity to the rather _individual_ tea brewed by the head archivist. "I'm starting to think that I'm wasting my time with Chou," he admitted, flipping back to the main report in order to be certain that the crime had, in fact, been reported. "He seems simply over-conscious of detail as opposed to deliberately attempting to hide anything."

 **... among the survivors of the original accident was a young woman who has suffered a serious blow to the head. She was pleading feverishly for her rescuers to find her husband and son. Although questioning revealed that none of the witnesses could remember a child, a search was swiftly organized on both sides of the river. We recovered two more bodies, one of which was easily identified as a local teacher. The other was tentatively identified as the missing husband, as the woman had fallen unconscious during our search and did not recover. The child was never found. An application (also attached) has been made to reimburse our office for their funeral as no relatives could be found. Prayers were said for all three and their names were listed....**

Kouyuu spat his fresh mouthful of tea across the book and the table, only avoiding bathing Shouka in the stuff because the older man slid swiftly to the side with a speed and agility that went right past Kouyuu. Blotting frantically at the book with his sleeve to keep the ink from running and ruining the reports, Kouyuu was trying to read around his arm, eyes wide and, apparently, having forgotten how to breathe as he grew paler and paler. He found what he was looking for, staring at the date with something like horror.

"Kouyuu?" Shouka rose from his seat and moved to retrieve the book, rescuing it from Kouyuu's attempts at drying. He plucked it swiftly from the younger man and scanned it as he moved toward the small desk where he kept the binding and repair supplies. There was little on the slightly smudged page to tell him what had set the younger man off and he glanced back to see Kouyuu staring blankly at the remaining books, fists clenched where they rested on the table.

A moment's pause was enough to insure that the book had sustained no lasting damage and would remain legible and Shouka abandoned it there. He moved back to the table, speaking more loudly in a bid for the younger man's attention. "Kouyuu."

Kouyuu remained staring at the table, head tipped forward and long strands of hair hiding his expression. The only real movement was the tightening of his fists until the tendons creaked. Shouka watched, alarmed, as a few tears dropped to mix with the spilt tea. He moved to take Kouyuu's arm, tugging gently. "Come along, Kouyuu. Let me take you home."

The walk through the darkened streets was made in silence. Kouyuu hadn't spoken a word since the involuntary fountain of tea, tense and silent as Shouka gently steered him homeward. The dimly lit grounds were deserted, the residents of the household having retired for their sleep long since and Shouka did not announce their presence, steering Kouyuu silently and accurately toward his quarters.

This was not, perhaps, the introduction that Reishin would have wished for his elder brother upon entering his home for the first time, but Shouka was not the gently oblivious archivist that the rest of the world saw and he knew more of what went on within Reishin's walls than his younger brother was, perhaps, aware of.

Picking a path through the stacked books to the narrow bed, Shouka gently pushed Kouyuu to sit. He ignored the shell-shocked stare and the faint trace of tears and made no comment on the complete lack of anger that normally hummed somewhere just beneath the surface. Shouka left him there, gently sliding the door closed behind him.

Kouyuu didn't even register his departure, still staring into some middle distance that only he could see, unfocused gaze turned down toward the fists now resting in his lap. Time passed without any sign from Kouyuu and the door eventually opened again, bringing soft footsteps and gentle fingers tugging his fists open. A cup of tea was placed in Kouyuu's hands, lax fingers tucked around it. Shouka's voice prompted softly, "Drink."

Numbly, Kouyuu did so as a blanket was draped gently around his shoulders and deft fingers unbound his hair. It wouldn't be the first time Kouyuu had slept in his clothes, although he normally fell asleep over a book.

Shouka waited until the cup was empty before asking, "What did you find in the archives, Kouyuu?"

It was several long minutes before Kouyuu responded, face hidden as he remained staring downward, ostensibly lost in contemplation of the tea cup. "It was... hot."

 _Almost scorchingly hot, an oppressive heat that made him unhappy and his mother irritable._

"No," she told him, for what must have been the fourth or fifth time, gently shoving him away from where he was attempting to climb into her lap. "I'm not feeling well. Just... play quietly by yourself. Please."

He'd persisted, until she'd spoken to him sharply, leaving him in tears. He'd crawled into the small bed that fit so closely under the shelves where his mother kept their few blankets and tried to find a corner that wasn't hot and stifling. He'd eventually fallen asleep, unhappy and angry and hungry.

They were always hungry, despite his father's struggles and his mother's careful sewing. There'd been fewer people in search of his mother's embroidery lately and she'd been restless and unhappy. Two weeks ago, he'd been sent home from the temple school with no explanation and all his mother would say, lips pressed tightly and unhappily together, was that there was no more money for such things.

He was young enough that although he understood, dimly, that you needed money - he couldn't figure out why there was suddenly less of it. He'd argued with her and she'd finally burst into tears and sent him from the room. He was confused and unhappy, not sure why things were changing so quickly....

Waking at the sound of his father's arrival home, he crept to the edge of his bed to peek out into the next room. They were arguing again... something else that had become more frequent in the past few weeks and for the first time, it ended in tears. He withdrew, suddenly afraid, and curled into an unhappy ball.

When he woke the second time, his father was shaking him gently, voice hoarse. "Your mother isn't feeling well and the doctor won't come."

Confused, he'd rubbed at his eyes. The doctor always came, didn't he? He'd been there often enough over the past few months.... His father saw the confusion and gave a short, ugly laugh. "They won't come where there's no money. I'm going to take your mother to her parents, and she'll stay with them until she's better. Go back to sleep. I should be back by morning."

"...they never came back." Kouyuu's voice was cracked and dry, despite the almost automatic drinking whenever the cup in his hands was filled. "I waited...."

 _Hunger had driven him to ask the lady who lived in the next tiny house for food, and she'd given it to him willingly. He'd been sitting quietly outside, eating the little she'd had to share when one of the men who'd worked with his father had stopped by for a chat._

"... can't blame them for leaving, although it's a shame about the boy." The words were branded on Kouyuu's memory as he repeated them dully. "But it's easier to feed two mouths than one, after all, and it wasn't as if they wanted a child, remember?"

A gentle hand was laid on his shoulder as Shouka withdrew, footsteps retreating and again followed by the soft sound of the door. It was some time before the door opened again and Kouyuu's cup was refilled. The cup he raised to his lips no longer held tea, but something strong with alcohol, and Kouyuu choked for a moment before drinking it all. His voice steadied somewhat as he continued.

"I waited... and we weren't far from the capital, so I decided that I could find them. It was a fool's errand, but I was just a child and I felt that it couldn't be so much larger than our village."

 _He'd been taken in by an elderly lady who had just enough to feed herself and a small boy. She'd shown him how to make money by running errands, and found him a place at the temple school cleaning in exchange for his lessons. They'd gotten along well enough, but she'd eventually died - leaving him again alone._

By then he was used to it, although it still gnawed at him when he wasn't careful to be thinking of other things. Abandoned and alone, he forced himself to move forward. Unwanted did not mean useless, and there were things that he could do.

"I worked odd jobs for a few weeks before I thought of the lottery." Kouyuu took a deep breath and another swallow of alcohol - watching the level of liquid in the cup rise as it was refilled. "I tried never to think of it, of them. They were gone. They'd lied to me and left me - an inconvenience they could no longer support."

Kouyuu had tied his life to that of Kou Reishin, the man who'd adopted an orphan child off the street without a second thought and had treated him somewhat like a pet. Absently indulged and often ignored, Kouyuu had seized upon the opportunity to educate himself, to take the Imperial examinations and to come away with the highest score at the youngest age in order to take a place at Reishin's side.

At his side and always two steps behind.

Reishin's approval was what he strove for and it was a thing rarely seen... Kouyuu had given up on affection ages ago, although it hurt every time Reishin showered it upon his elder brother and his niece. Expressions of sentiment were not Kouyuu's lot and he forced himself, for the most part to be content with what he had.

Reishin had taken him in. Reishin had _wanted_ him, whatever his motives, and it was something that Kouyuu clung to with all his strength. Tonight, in the archives, Kouyuu had felt his world kicked out from under him again and when he finally spoke into the silence, his voice was tight with a more familiar anger.

"They didn't lie to me... they didn't abandon me. They died together in a stupid _accident_ caused by corruption and greed before they ever reached my mother's family." He took a tight, shaking breath and another swallow of alcohol. "... her last words were fear for my father - and for me. No one came looking for me because they thought I'd been with them, lost... in the river. I have family - somewhere...."

"You have family," a cool, familiar voice informed him, "right here."

Kouyuu's head came up with a jerk, the small amount of alcohol left in the cup spilling across his fingers as he stared straight into a pair of dark, narrowed eyes. Shouka had apparently decided that Kouyuu was better off in the hands of his brother - or that Reishin had needed to hear this as much as Kouyuu had needed to work through it.

Reishin had obviously been roused from his bed, normal careful perfection not absent, but hard to maintain in a nightrobe with his hair falling down his back. Not that his bearing altered an inch from that of the composed aristocrat as he gave Kouyuu a hard look. "If you wish," and the words were carefully, precisely chosen, "to seek out your... family," and that word in particular had an edge to it, "you may."

They'd walked this route before, misunderstanding looming darkly overhead when Kouyuu had asked for Reishin's reaction if he'd chosen to leave and been greeted with the cold declaration that it was Kouyuu's life to do with as he would. It had taken Shouka's gentle reassurance to coax the unhappy Kouyuu into an understanding as to Reishin's feelings... and the fact that Reishin valued Kouyuu's freedom above all.

There was a razor edge to be walked here, too much or too little said between them, and Kouyuu could feel it waiting to slice deeply and irrevocably between them. The road of Kouyuu's life was his own to choose and his own to walk, but Reishin was not a particularly kind or patient man. Looking away from Reishin's piercing gaze, Kouyuu's fingers tightened against the cup.

"I have family here," he repeated softly, again conceding defeat in a battle where he barely understood the rules.

The cup was abruptly removed from his grasp and Reishin caught at his chin, bringing Kouyuu's face up to where it could be clearly seen. Kouyuu refused to meet his eyes, looking away as Reishin studied his face. The familiar voice was still cool as he asked, "Is that what you want... or what you think that I want?"

An angry flush finally bloomed across Kouyuu's cheeks as he jerked his chin away. "Does there have to be a difference? Do you think I stay here with you merely out of gratitude or of _duty_? Do you think that's what I want? Or do you think that's what I think _you_ want?"

Reishin gave him a look of surprise, although he again took hold of Kouyuu's chin, turning his face deliberately back as he considered the question. "I think that you are very loyal," he finally decided, one finger tapping Kouyuu's cheek.

" _Loyal_ ," Kouyuu repeated angrily. "That's what one says about _puppies_."

That bought him a faint smile. "Perhaps. I've never had a dog."

"No. You had a _son_."

Reishin's expression disappeared, leaving him almost blank-faced as he looked at Kouyuu as if truly seeing him for the first time. "...not a son," he corrected, almost absently. "You outgrew me long ago."

Kouyuu stared, confused and hurt as the angry color faded from his cheeks, leaving him pale and feeling, again, as if the world had been pulled from beneath his feet. "You...."

Long fingers tapped against his cheek a second time, as if bereft of expression without Reishin's beloved fan. "You will always be welcome in my home, Kouyuu, no matter the path that you choose." The words came slowly, as if rehearsed or, more likely, remembered as having been spoken by someone else. It was not the sort of sentiment that came naturally to him. There was a longer silence before the next words and when they came there was an unwillingness to them that Reishin either could not or, more likely, would not, hide. "If you wish to find your family, I am certain that it can be done."

"I...."

The fingers were suddenly across Kouyuu's lips, and Reishin glared at him. "It is too late at night for this sort of thing. You can make a decision tomorrow."

Generosity of spirit apparently only stretched so far, but it was still more than Kouyuu had expected. He simply stared at Reishin over the man's hand, surprise and mild shock from the evening's events mingling to leave him exhausted and speechless.

Reishin's hand was removed and he frowned disapprovingly at Kouyuu before stepping forward. This time, he cradled the younger man's face as he leaned forward for a brief, firm kiss.

"Sleep." The word was an order as he pulled away, turning on his heel and stalking toward the door. "We will discuss this when you are less distraught."

The door closed behind him, leaving Kouyuu still staring after him, feeling as though the world had somehow turned itself on its head and that he'd wake in a few hours to find that it all had been a strange and disturbing dream. Perhaps it was the alcohol, or perhaps a need to find closure for _all_ of it, and not simply the years of abandonment. Whatever the impetus, Kouyuu found himself in the hallway, unwilling to let the matter drop.

"Wait!"

Reishin hesitated for the briefest of moments before turning, giving Kouyuu a cold look. "In the morning, Kouyuu," he repeated flatly.

For once, Kouyuu refused to let himself be silenced. He took a hasty step forward, hands closing on Reishin's robe as he leaned upward before he could think better of the action and returned the kiss. The briefest hesitation marked Reishin's response and Kouyuu suddenly found himself pressed against the wall, mouth fully occupied by Reishin's hungry response.

When Reishin finally stepped away, Kouyuu was almost entirely convinced that he had forgotten how to breathe. "Go to bed, Kouyuu." The words were firm, as was Reishin's look. "We will discuss this in the _morning_."

Head high, Kouyuu nodded, once, and turned to the door of his bedroom.

In the morning, he _knew_ that Reishin would still be there and that their discussion was far from over. The lingering fear of waking to a cold and empty place that accompanied him to his sleep every night was lessened... and the steps that took him back to his bedroom were sure.

   
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